From cloister to nature's sanctuary: notes on my spiritual journey

From cloister to nature's sanctuary:
notes on my spiritual journey - Roman Verostko 2007

Grand Canyon, January 2000, photo by rv

In 1968 I withdrew from my life as a monk and a priest. Since that time some have wondered what caused me to make that change. Some assumed that it was celibacy or the demands of a monastic life. But this was not the case.

For several years leading up to 1968 I went through a spiritual struggle confronting myself with what I believed or thought I believed. My work as a monk and a priest included teaching and weekend parish work. For quite some time, I had not faced up to my innermost beliefs. The core of the faith I wore publicly, belief in scripture as divine revelation, had disintegrated for me some years earlier. For some time I had hung on with subtle rationalizations. But the reality was that I experienced myself emerging as a hypocrite, unable to face up to the consequences of being true to myself.

Disturbing moral questions tugged at my conscience. “How can I continue to publicly represent belief in divine revelation that is no longer believable to myself?” “How can I justify leading others to believe in dogmas like incarnation or resurrection when I myself could no longer recite the creed in good faith?”

These were torturous questions. And a radical change of life carried painful consequences. Leaving the monastery was a “push – pull” experience. The monastery had become my family and my home with my artwork imbedded in its walls. The community life there would continue to be part of me for a long time after I would leave. Sharing my decision with family and leaving was painful.

Yet leaving the monastery turned out to be a liberating experience. The restraint of unwieldy “creeds” was gone. My mind embraced the freedom to explore and ask questions without twisting answers to fit inherited beliefs. And it turned out to be OK to embrace life as a mystery without having an answer. Freed from the time consuming repetition of prayers and liturgical ceremonies I could now spend more time in my study and my studio. More importantly, regional nature preserves became my frequent sanctuary for meditation and reflection . Coupled with the study of world cultures these meditations nurtured a growing interest in our human relationship to nature and ecological ethics. For me our nature preserves emerged as precious "sanctuaries" of our time, cathedrals of nature and life.

Gradually the awesome mystery of life and the immensity of cosmos seeped more and more into my consciousness. This new life has gradually altered and heightened my inner experience of "being here", awakening me to the binding interconnections to each other, to other life, and to the earth. This experience has charged me with a spiritual strength and peace that I never found in monastic life. By doing so it has brought me to experience the awesome nature of cosmos without any fear of the unknown.

My links to reason in science, religion & culture